Kimby's Guide to Patterns

Lately, fashion and clothing have really started to take hold on me as very important things. I know that sounds superficial and all sorts of negative adjectives, but they are. Just watch TLC's What Not To Wear and see how looking and feeling beautiful is amazing for self-esteem.

Now, away we go!

Stripes: Stripes are very rarely flattering on anyone. Horizontal stripes are better than vertical stripes, contrary to popular belief. Chanel stripes are the only stripes acceptable to go all of the way across your body, with very few exceptions. Larger stripes are better for cardigans. Pin stripes are allowable.

Plaid: Plaid was a HUGE trend about a year ago. While it's not entirely out, it's grip on the middle-class fashion world has been loosened exponentially. Still, I give this trend a yay over nay.

Polka dots: There's a fine line between adult-like and Dalmatian-like with polka dots. I would save the polka dots for wall paper, sheets, and dresses meant for five-year-olds.

Tribal: Tribal prints are cool, modern, and still bohemian. The problem I often meet with tribal prints is that they are too busy. And busy prints give most people a headache. I love the bright colors and bold statement a tribal-print top make, but a more subtle version of it. 5 out of 10.

Floral: The only thing I have to say is know the difference between cute, and looking like Granny's couch. But I do love an adorable floral.

Sparkle: I love sparkle, but there is a limit on how much. I think most people should be able to figure it out for themselves, with their comfort levels and such as. And full-on sequin leggings aren't the only answer to this trend. Jewelery, makeup and nail polish (especially nail polish!) do it all. As we speak I'm putting on sparkle nail polish. SPARKLES! *runs around in crazed, girly circle*

People: By this, I mean things with people on them, quite simply, like band tees or my infamous anime jacket. I have a shirt with Audrey Hepburn on it that I adore. Once again, like the dots, it can be childish. Careful.

That is what I've to say to you all. Of course, if you want, you can go the Rachel Berry route and dress like a little girl and grandma at the same time. But I know what I'm talking about, with Stacy London and Clinton Kelly as my mentors!