Death is Closure, Not A Reason to Hang On

"To die: to sleep, no more."

These words were said hundreds of years ago, millions of people know 'em and quote 'em before we really stop to think about what they really mean, why they are phrased in such a way, and if they are really true.

I recently suffered a devastating loss in my family and I've been repeating these words in my head for such a long time. If dying isn't an eternal slumber, what is it?

It is like lying unconscious underground as the worms try to wriggle their way into your coffin and eat away at your slowly decaying skin that's been plastered in enough foundation to smother your pores?

Is the funeral process one of closure, or simply a morbid practice? Looking at it from a purely technical standpoint: a wake is where a corpse is dressed up like a porcelain doll, covered in makeup. People stand around, supposedly mourning, but are gossiping like hens in a barnyard. People who turn funeral homes are also known for stealing jewelry off of bodies, and for ripping off families who are so vulnerable in such a confusing time. They tried to scam my family. I just wanted to say, fuck you, Hawthorne Funeral Home, for trying to take advantage of my family when we were suffering so much.

It an expensive process with a lot of loopholes and strange traditions and I've already promised my father that I wouldn't do all of that; cremation, pour him somewhere, and hold a memorial later on.

I don't think that the traditional process gives a family closure in the death of a loved one. I think that closure comes from the death itself. I knew about my grandmother's impending demise and came to terms with it, or so I thought. I gave myself a good cry the night she died, and I know that my pain would have been greatly lessened if I hadn't had to see her in the coffin. Then, have to see the coffin lying by the hole where my grandfather already was. Dropping a rose on top of it.

Some people need that. They need a tradition defined by religion because they don't have their own philosophies to fall back on. I have my own perspective; many people don't address the issue in a purely thoughtful way. That's fine; do as you please.

My plan?

Cremation, have myself divided and sprinkled anywhere I could ever want to go, all over the world. If I have money, that's what I'll have it willed to do. I hope I have some spunky grandkids.

So, I lost my original point, but it led me to my own interpretation and opinion of a very serious situation. What happens when you die defines the rules that you abided to in life. Most people are traditional and want the rules to work for them, changing themselves so they fit the mold. I say, make your own rules.

And think about what you're leaving behind.

RIP, 12/8/10♥